Self-arrangement in relationship- an interpersonal vision of the self

In this paper I explore the view of the self as co-constructed in relationship, based on observational research on mothers and infants, which has provided evidence of the central role that the internalization of real interpersonal experience plays in the development of the sense of self and self-agency. One of the key features of human action and interaction that underpin the co-construction of a self is turn-taking. Research shows that there is a frequent lack of coordination in all infant-adult relationships and that a crucial part of their interactions lies in re-achieving a matching from a mismatching state, a mutually regulated reparatory process. It is the infant’s capacity to repair disruption that allows him or her to experience a sense of agency by playing a part in cocreating a more harmonious interaction. The central role that this turn-taking plays in the infant’s development of self-agency also means that this developmental process is highly vulnerable to the catastrophic effects that serious maternal misattunement can have on the psychological and emotional development of her baby, including the development of self-agency. I explore some of the implications of this research for our clinical practice as psychotherapists.